Lately...

I've been lax about getting on here and sharing. Truthfully, there hasn't been much I wanted to share. I've been going through some rough stuff physically which in turn has led to a sort of mental ennui. I'm trying to break out of it. I just find myself either exceedingly blase or getting p.o. ed about little things. But...

To me they aren't little, they are obstacles that add up to huge mountains and the frustration from all of this is in part due to the little things nobody is doing and leaving for me to do and the fact that these should be mere flicks of the wrist, taken care of, out of the way and a nary a second glance given. I don't want what little "good" free time I have being spent on picking up after others who I raised better.Especially when it is a bunch of little things that add up and up and up. The condition of my house is such that I am (having been unable to do daily upkeep) going to cut off all internet and et all until said house is cleaner. Closer to what I expect to live in. Life is hard enough living with these conditions, issues, bullshit illnesses that makes me so frustrated right now. At least I'm well enough to feel frustrated and silly as it sounds, I give thanks for that. It's a luxury to be frustrated and not have it put me down for the count for the day. I really dislike being so physically sensitive to stress now. pffffffffffft!!!

I think what a cosmic joke it is to slap a type A neat freak organizer with fibro et all and who lives with people who are type C...so laid back you gotta check em for a pulse. Somewhere, somebody is having a hearty laugh. It is not me.

Since I've been spending so much time in my bed, I finally broke down and brought in my bead bins. I can bead and wire wrap in bed if needs be and lately, that is what has been happening. It takes my mind off the misery and makes me feel better in the middle of the yukkiness (not a "real" word I know, but oh so fitting). I've been trying to get some finished products listed on etsy and it's going very slowly. I did my research and I'm excited to share what I've made, it'll stand on its own and shout its uniqueness and I've done some beautiful intriguing work. I'm excited about it. I'm not so excited about how long it is taking me to get pictures taken though. Seems like a pretty straight forward easy task you know...but there is assembling the items I want to take pictures of, there is "staging" the item which to me just means presenting it attractively in the best possible light---I prefer natural light and the studio has limited natural light compared to the livingroom...which is not an area I can "do" anything and expect to be unimpeded and unmolested by various household members. That is why I have a studio. So I am apart and not available when I need to be focusing on "my stuff". Too bad I don't have heat in the studio yet and the weather is still horridly damp and cold so I can't spend very long in there. Seriously, ten minutes out there and I'm still warming up (in bed) three hours later. I have no "guard" on my core temperature anymore, I am literally at the mercy of the weather and outside temperature. And I have to keep that in mind (I keep forgetting) when I'm going to the studio or the RV or outside. I have to remember not to stay out too long. By the time I'm like "UH, I'M COLD!" it's too late, the next 3-4 hours are going to be spent on warming up and resting with possibly (more than likely) a nap.

Well, I should have gotten over here sooner, I feel better mentally just writing down some of this stuff. It's not the end of the world, I know that. Just some roadblocks that are temporary. It's just that some days, those temporary roadblocks look huge and almost impassible. But...it will pass. I have to have the patience to hang in there and sometimes I need to vent to get back to the "center" where I do have patience and graciousness while waiting. I'm getting there ;) soon...