Wake up in the morning feeling like P Diddy I…

Wait. Wake up in the morning JUST feeling like P.
That’s more like it.
Morning. Yep. It still is. And the only thing that comes to mind is either song hooks or bad movie quotes. Go figure.
OK.
OK what?
What?
Go figure what? Go figure? What does *that* even mean anymore? Tik Tok...

I think I’ve got a case of the winter blues trying to set in early. Oh wait, it’s probably just a PTSD freak out since all situations detailed below are on my triggers list…

Been feeling quite overwhelmed with the Money Hole’s continuous black hole BS. It’s just one thing after another around here. Fix one thing two or three things break immediately after or in response to BS. The pipes. The roof. The rotten beam. The sinks. The oven. The fridge. The hot water heater. The…Gahhhh! Gotta stop.

Because of an admin F up I’ve been bumped off the housing wait list and can’t reapply until January. Had a major panic freak on that one. I really hate when I have jumped through every effing hoop and then some when I can barely walk and still it’s some incompetent on the other end that ends up effing me up. I’m *too poor* to get a HUD or a Habitat for Humanity house, so rentals are pretty much going to be it for the rest of my life. Accepted. The types of rentals are myriad so I can have some space to maneuver if I do my research and look diligently. I’m exactly in the best place I can be for all this other (admin. Etc ) crap to happen. It’s just a lot of work. Unexpected stuff keeps popping up and that’s what gets me. Not such a deal if the basics aren’t covered dammit. Choke…choke…hit the puffer, loosen up the suddenly too tight chest…breathe!

Oh no, here we start up again…The only repair that has gone as planned and was as straightforward as it initially looked was the front door. Other than that, everything looks pretty got but is fuckedupbroken. Crazy broken. Touch it and it explodes or some such broken. And right now, all extra money is going for the pet deposits, which I understand but wait, no, looking at the extent of neglect/damage to the place… Crazy.
And no money to fix *anything* until January/February. No hot water. Leaking pipes. Leaking roof. Leaking faucets. No water except where I *do not* want it. If we can’t get the one pipe leak fixed we’ll be back to no water and hauling it in until we get it fixed. Goofy and obsolete pipe diameter is making repair attempts almost impossible as well. We might end up having to replace damn near everything and it might actually be easier and cost less in the end. I guess it never occurred to these people to have a shut off under the sink or in the bathroom room or somewhere actually at the house, not have the only shut off be at the ROAD.
Still not unpacked, half way there everything started happening so it’s worse than being all packed up because now there is stuff every and anywhere there was a place to put it and no sense or order to any of it. I can’t stand chaos. I hate my stuff being messy. My stuff is strewn from one end of the place to the other and I can’t find a GD thing!!! I can find everything but what I’m looking for. The studio area had to be moved and now BOTH areas have been encroached and you know how can’t stand for BS in my *area*. I feel my blood pressure rising as I type. I feel despair threatening to pull me under. I feel a big whiny weepy fit coming on. OK. Wait, I’m in the middle of one now. LOL at myself. Get a grip!

Deep breath and moving on…

Taking stock of the situation…be back later ;)