Getting better...

Rough morning waiting for it to get better. IT WILL! Just the waiting is quite the *pain*...hmmm...apparently brain fog has not affected my dismal punning abilities...

When I started this blog (again, lol) I wanted to chronicle my life, my life with my cocktail of chronic illnesses and the stresses, to keep a record. An honest one, not to honey coat or overly demonize it, just that there can and is a good life in between these layers of gunk. Sticky and spicy and sweet. A beautiful life.

I hate talking about pain, I hate talking about body functions I hate admitting I'm in pain. There is nothing anyone (including me) can do to change it, it is there and will be there for as long as it is and then it will be gone for as long as it will be. I don't like it, when I was growing up to admit pain was to be weak (still is). But I'm not weak. I know this. I would have taken a powder, stepped out, pulled the plug, turned out the lights a long time ago if I was. I'm not weak. But I'm not a super-hero either. I didn't want this blog to be a constant whine of how shitty I feel or am doing, or both. I wanted it to be an honest look of how one person copes with a myriad of illnesses disability and the ridiculously low pay that goes with it.

Hmmm...do you see the conundrum? I talk about my pain or nausea I feel like I'm whining. Can't help it. Refer to my statement about growing up and weakness. And weakness was nothing you wanted to show in my childhood home. Ah, and those of you who know me probably knew I didn't grow up with Ward & June Cleaver or Ozzie & Harriet. But what many of you didn't know is was how skewed it was. If anything it was something akin to Christopher Titus and his fractured family. The stuff they don't show on TV, even HBOhhhh...

According to the new (idiot) doc I should be happy the metformin kicks itself through my intestinal tract like an epileptic on poprocks & crack, it keeps the weight I *should* be gaining from the glipizide off. The diabetes meds are keeping my blood sugars "on target" never mind the pummeling my kidneys are taking and the violence to my back, stomach, intestinal tract and colon...speaking of...oh my...BRB.

Never mind being unable to walk from the back pain and spasm equals "crippling". Whadaya mean your back muscles are so exhausted you can't sit up? Whadaya mean crippling diarrhea? "There is NO SUCH THING. YOU READ TOO MUCH and believe too much of it, not everything you read on the internet is true." So, not only curt dismissal but added injury, insult and extra salt to pack the cuts with...

Listen, this is me, my body, I'm telling truth and my immediate family can vouch. Lots of pain and things that cause exhaustion. But oh the ignorance from supposed trained medical professionals. I would think if maybe they weren't "trained" in the area of chronic pain and autoimmune diseases they were at least trained to remedy their ignorance but oh how they cling to it! Ignorance! Fighting with that mindset is so exhausting!

Thinking on the matter more I guess I really should be happy about the glipizide placing me in holding pattern concerning the weight loss...because if it had kept going the way it was, at a low calculated average monthly rate, well, I'd be 20-30 lbs down (in less than six months) and actually 10-20 lbs under my "target" weight. It works almost like a tape worm anyway, I can eat whatever I want (whatever I can "stomach") and STILL lose weight. All you perpetual dieters out there, don't get envious though, remember HOW I drop this weight, perpetual crippling back spasm inducing violent projectile diarrhea is nothing I would wish on anyone. Not even my ex...well, maybe...er.. ok...moving on...