Good News

Doc appointment today and he cleared me to start training for a overnight hike I want to do this summer. Yes I know with all the crap I am up and down with that it might sound like I've lost my mind but frankly, I'm not getting any younger and I've been frustrated with the way my diabetes meds have been working/notworking and this is also a chance to tackle these issues that have been seesawing my blood sugars anytime I try to up my activity levels when I am able to move around.
Along with upping my daily blood sugar checks he will be monitoring my A1-C's monthly and adjusting diabetes meds levels as needed. He said today that if I didn't have Fibro/CFS that I wouldn't have to take ANY diabetes meds until I was quite a bit older.
So...I am pretty excited about this (I'm sure I'll feel different once I'm in the middle of it LOL), it's going to be really hard but I'm looking forward to it too.

Coastal hike, starting out at Rialto Beach /Ozette Loop

I wanted to take my kids along this trail to Hole In The Wall when they were little but I had to wait they were old enough. By the time they could go, I couldn't...and now they're all grown up but still game for going so I'm stoked. Good Lord I miss being outside!

I already know this will be a MINIMUM six mile hike for me...you have to hike at least 3 miles in before you can set up camp for the night so at the very least... LOL It's not the first day that is the real test, it's the day after and the day after that. To be pill free again, that would just be a great bonus

Here's a closer pic of Hole in the Wall---you see that dark spot to the left of the opening? That's a person standing there. The opening is huge! :

OK, off to pretend to be productive, I'm just happy things finally feel like they might be moving forward for a change :)

Warning, whiney rant

Warning, whiney rant for Thursday:

This up and down weather is kicking me sideways. I've taken more dang muscle relaxers this week than I have in the last 2 months. Spent so much time in the tub soaking knotted muscles the first half of this week now I just wash my hands and my fingers prune & wrinkle right up LOL.

Coffee, my one truest love has left me unmoved and uncomforted. Tea just hits my stomach and reverses...and I'd best not be catching any of the crud going around the school right now. I refuse to even consider it!

You know what, fuzzy jammies and thick socks and back to bed for me. I have one more day until youngest goes on "break" and until then I'm going to just do this moment by moment. These next few moments for me will be best enjoyed with my eyes closed and covers over my head. I am sure (reasonably) that I will awaken if not in a much better mood at least much better to cope will all this "heavy" weather. Fuzzy socks are great attitude improvers in this house too...just saying.

Later my sweet taters!

Ten years ago today...

Today marks a decade since my departure of the full time work force & entry into "involuntary early retirement". Am I better now than I was? Well it goes like a roller coaster, ups & downs & all around in a big circle. Some days you're the windshield & some days you're the bug & some times if you're feeling very zen you're both.

I left Even Start for the final time in October 2005. So strange. It's been a retrospective morning all the way around.

I lost everything but what really matters in those turbulent first years and looking back there weren't even a handful of days I was well enough to go to work outside my home...let alone a full work week. 10 years of being so ill that dressing let alone walking was/is a challenge some days. 10 years of pain and sickness...sounds really depressing doesn't it? Well here's the thing: it's really not. Looking back over these last years I realize I have persevered against so many things and people stacked against me it is amazing.

I have done things important both to me and my family and things that I only dreamed of before. It hasn't been easy and at times it's been downright horrible and facedown on the pavement depressing but in the end I am still breathing and still trying and still fighting and I still know what is most important and can still enjoy life and some people never know how blessed they truly are. I do.

Current Tally

Started the xig-duo yesterday and the side effects crept up slowly but wow, ouch. I laid down at 3 pm the same day I started it: Xigduo = my @ss kicked royally. Hopefully I'll adjust soon.

OK, and current tally: xigduo 2 for 2. Me: I'm sicker than a dog but it's only day 2...promethazine (aka phenergan) is currently my best friend (extreme anti-upchuck meds) but that's OK, it's only day two.

I might feel like I'm losing but every day I get through is one more day closer to winning and on that note I'm off for my afternoon tv veg which will seamlessly segue into my afternoon coma so glad the brats are cooking tonight!

Peace!

Started xigduo (pronounced zig-duo) this morning. It's supposed to be kinder than metformin. Wish me luck.

The ongoing challenges of diabetes and fibromyalgia...(and everything else)

I just got my A1-C's back and the doc made notes for me. He wants me to do a total diet revamp as he is claiming my high triglycerides are associated with high carb intake and he wants me to improve my low HDL with exercise. My carb intake has gone up from previously BUT it isn't as high as someone who doesn't regulate their carbs. You can't have a superhigh carb intake and lose weight very well or at all, especially on glipizide, which is known for normally packing on the pounds. So...

That said, this new doc knows how to read and does so (unlike the other one). He knows I have fibro. He knows I lost 3 lbs since June and he knows the previous doc (his associate) was effing up my diabetes meds for the last 3 months. He is smart but cautious and against my better judgment I find myself liking him prematurely---which annoys me to some extent. I mean what if he turns out to be an idiot too? LOL, can you tell I'm pretty fed up with most doctors? I'm trying to be open but I'm getting pretty tired of taking chances and wasting my time and still ending up with a moneygrubbing arrogant yet ignorant jackass.

This new doc annoys me greatly but he is WAY better than the previous @ss so I'm going to do what he asked since he does listen better and is truly trying to help. He is also taking a cautionary approach to my issues which is good, he believes me but he is also taking all possibilities into consideration and the final decision isn't in yet but I like him, he pays attention.

Ah....it's time to implement a new Spring/Summer diet anyway, right? RIGHT!

My big goal is to balance this all without exacerbating my colon issues as my GI appointment isn't until May 14th and any um "violent" episodes will result in an ER trip. Tricky and challenging but I'm literally putting my @ss on the line so I'm going to do my best (LOL)

So, off for the menu/diet revamp and planning. Not nearly as fun as it might sound.

I have three more months for the A1-C's to come back within target or we will be trying new meds...not insulin though, not yet. This is good news and I'm going try to do my damnedest to get myself within targets. This exercise stuff though...going to be tricky with the fibro and other issues as I have found in the past but I've got several different things I'm going to try so we'll see... (more on that later).

Now: menu/diet revamp & planning and then off for some much earned studio time (yay!)

Hope y'all have a great afternoon :)

Getting better...

Rough morning waiting for it to get better. IT WILL! Just the waiting is quite the *pain*...hmmm...apparently brain fog has not affected my dismal punning abilities...

When I started this blog (again, lol) I wanted to chronicle my life, my life with my cocktail of chronic illnesses and the stresses, to keep a record. An honest one, not to honey coat or overly demonize it, just that there can and is a good life in between these layers of gunk. Sticky and spicy and sweet. A beautiful life.

I hate talking about pain, I hate talking about body functions I hate admitting I'm in pain. There is nothing anyone (including me) can do to change it, it is there and will be there for as long as it is and then it will be gone for as long as it will be. I don't like it, when I was growing up to admit pain was to be weak (still is). But I'm not weak. I know this. I would have taken a powder, stepped out, pulled the plug, turned out the lights a long time ago if I was. I'm not weak. But I'm not a super-hero either. I didn't want this blog to be a constant whine of how shitty I feel or am doing, or both. I wanted it to be an honest look of how one person copes with a myriad of illnesses disability and the ridiculously low pay that goes with it.

Hmmm...do you see the conundrum? I talk about my pain or nausea I feel like I'm whining. Can't help it. Refer to my statement about growing up and weakness. And weakness was nothing you wanted to show in my childhood home. Ah, and those of you who know me probably knew I didn't grow up with Ward & June Cleaver or Ozzie & Harriet. But what many of you didn't know is was how skewed it was. If anything it was something akin to Christopher Titus and his fractured family. The stuff they don't show on TV, even HBOhhhh...

According to the new (idiot) doc I should be happy the metformin kicks itself through my intestinal tract like an epileptic on poprocks & crack, it keeps the weight I *should* be gaining from the glipizide off. The diabetes meds are keeping my blood sugars "on target" never mind the pummeling my kidneys are taking and the violence to my back, stomach, intestinal tract and colon...speaking of...oh my...BRB.

Never mind being unable to walk from the back pain and spasm equals "crippling". Whadaya mean your back muscles are so exhausted you can't sit up? Whadaya mean crippling diarrhea? "There is NO SUCH THING. YOU READ TOO MUCH and believe too much of it, not everything you read on the internet is true." So, not only curt dismissal but added injury, insult and extra salt to pack the cuts with...

Listen, this is me, my body, I'm telling truth and my immediate family can vouch. Lots of pain and things that cause exhaustion. But oh the ignorance from supposed trained medical professionals. I would think if maybe they weren't "trained" in the area of chronic pain and autoimmune diseases they were at least trained to remedy their ignorance but oh how they cling to it! Ignorance! Fighting with that mindset is so exhausting!

Thinking on the matter more I guess I really should be happy about the glipizide placing me in holding pattern concerning the weight loss...because if it had kept going the way it was, at a low calculated average monthly rate, well, I'd be 20-30 lbs down (in less than six months) and actually 10-20 lbs under my "target" weight. It works almost like a tape worm anyway, I can eat whatever I want (whatever I can "stomach") and STILL lose weight. All you perpetual dieters out there, don't get envious though, remember HOW I drop this weight, perpetual crippling back spasm inducing violent projectile diarrhea is nothing I would wish on anyone. Not even my ex...well, maybe...er.. ok...moving on...

South Sound Family & Sports Medicine...BOO!!!

Just started here after the clinic in Elma closed. Reception staff is great, no problems there. Had two visits in two months, my diabetes prescriptions were screwed up from the get-go...and the guy had the bottles with the amounts/directions in front of him while writing the new prescriptions. Always writes EVERYTHING for no-refills (my diabetes medication is not going to change from month to month).  This means I have to call in to the pharmacy for refills at least 7 days before they are due because they have to send a request to the doctor's office to be refilled. This can take up to a week. I am diabetic and this is like playing Russian Roulette with my meds if there is any kind hold up on the refills. This isn't the only issue but it is a big one. General care is poor, medical professional (not a doctor) seems uninformed not only concerning my health history but about general health conditions that have bearing on possible treatments and solutions. I was told when I asked about possible alternatives to metformin as my digestive tract is hypersensitive to the metformin which results in severe stomach discomfort, bloating, pain and severe violent diarrhea (for which I have been hospitalized for in the past and which is in my records but the guy seems clueless). "Well...it's working on keeping your blood sugar down, so we don't want to change it, just eat more celery and carrots." Seriously. Looking for a new Doctor ASAP.

Forever and a day huh?

Seems like it's been that long since I've posted here anyway, lol. Been busy, wish I could tell you I've been busy making tons of Art (with a capital "A" mind you) and making tons O'Cash. Nope.

But I wish I could, lol.

I've been pretty sick, the weather has FINALLY started to change for the better and since that affects me severely anymore, that has been a big factor in me doing ANYTHING.

So, the weather has gotten a little better and so have I. Then I feel pretty good on the nice days and do crazy stuff like I'm my old self. Crazy stuff: take the girls out in the boat and row around the lake and the island. Two hours later: OUCH my lower back had a fit and spazzed all the way out. Then I threw up from the nausea from the pain. Then I passed out from exhaustion---not from going out in the boat mind you but from the back spasms that came afterwards.

Some days are diamonds, yes, and some days are just shit.

The diamond days are few but they make up for the poo days but it takes a lot of work to stay upbeat. Some days I don't make it either but frankly, everyday I don't give up is a positive day. And when I say "give up" I don't mean acknowledge that I am unable to do what I wanted to do for the day and I must take to my bed to rest and take it easy. I mean give up and take to my bed from depression due to the fact that I can't do a damn thing due to pain and exhaustion from pain or whatever illness, nausea BS my body is going through at the given time. Giving up. Not wanting to go on with life. Conceding defeat and that this bullshit condition wins and is great than my will. NOT! I have this illness, it doesn't have me. As long as I can choose my attitude I choose to go on. And it's hard but the alternative wait...what alternative you ask? Well, *THAT* alternative that I refuse to discuss, because I don't have time for it. The leading cause of death of people with Fibromyalgia (FMS) is suicide. I would be lying if I said I had never ever thought about it. There have been some episodes in the past where I was so sick I thought I was dying and then got even sicker and was actually afraid I wasn't dying fast enough. Dark, dark days. I ended up in the hospital (more than once) due to the fact that I was actually so physically sick I was very close to dying. Uh duh, right? Not so, it's like having the worst flu EVER and being run over by a truck, you are pretty much out of it. Or want to be if you are coherent enough to think.

Fibromyalgia and/or CFS (I do have both) by themselves rarely fatal. In my case, I have Chronic Epstein Barre Virus (CEBVS) also known as Severe Chronic Active Epstein-Barr Virus (SCAEBV)  in addition to having FMS, CFS, Diabetes and a super long list of problems/conditions that (now I know) were mostly stress induced, which helps me by me minding my stress level now but the major damage is done.

CEBVS makes everything else more serious if I go out of "remission" for lack of a better word, so in my case, FMS can become fatal if paired with a CEBVS episode if I'm not very careful. CEBVS is basically like a severe case of Mononucleosis (EBV is commonly known as mono or the kissing disease) but the difference with CEBVS is that you've got "Mono for LIFE" . Oh Mono, lots of people think, the kissing disease...not serious...

But...in SCAEBV which is a rare Epstein-Barr virus associated disorder (which of course, my luck you know, rare=weird with doctors in general, lol) this disorder can cause chronic tiredness and fevers and sometimes be complicated by life threatening problems such as multi-organ failure, chronic (ongoing) pneumonia, and lymphoproliferative diseases (diseases involving the lymph nodes which could eventually show up as leukemia or a tumor). The reasons for the body's inability to control the EBV infection are still unknown and no effective treatment is currently available.

So...at the first signs of a possible CEBVS episode, I clear my calendar and concentrate on doing everything within my power to avert it. I also always keep in mind not to over-do, not to skimp sleep, eat regularly, take it easy and plan relaxing and self care measures and follow through.

That said, I really went off here, I see that now, lol, but it's rest time again and for now, I'm outta here...just another "day in the life"...Hope y'all have a great one! :)