May 2016 Reading list...so far..

1. A Rose In Scotland

2. In Your Arms

3. Goblin Moon

 

4. Shadow Dance

5. Someone to Watch Over Me

6. The Highwayman

Random quick update

Still having a pretty hard time with my legs so for now it's muscle relaxers & confined to bed or the couch. The muscle relaxers make my feet stop turning inward and pulling up but don't really do anything for the pain. I'm very thankful my kids are here right now and I'm sure glad they understand I'm frustrated & trying to be upbeat but this "unfixable" combined crap  makes finding something that lessens or stops these attacks almost impossible.

Ten years ago today...

Today marks a decade since my departure of the full time work force & entry into "involuntary early retirement". Am I better now than I was? Well it goes like a roller coaster, ups & downs & all around in a big circle. Some days you're the windshield & some days you're the bug & some times if you're feeling very zen you're both.

I left Even Start for the final time in October 2005. So strange. It's been a retrospective morning all the way around.

I lost everything but what really matters in those turbulent first years and looking back there weren't even a handful of days I was well enough to go to work outside my home...let alone a full work week. 10 years of being so ill that dressing let alone walking was/is a challenge some days. 10 years of pain and sickness...sounds really depressing doesn't it? Well here's the thing: it's really not. Looking back over these last years I realize I have persevered against so many things and people stacked against me it is amazing.

I have done things important both to me and my family and things that I only dreamed of before. It hasn't been easy and at times it's been downright horrible and facedown on the pavement depressing but in the end I am still breathing and still trying and still fighting and I still know what is most important and can still enjoy life and some people never know how blessed they truly are. I do.

Quick check in...

I was excited about sleeping in this morning. Silly me, my back decided differently so I will just plan on napping later.

Had a very productive week over all even with my behavioral issues (lol) every time I felt myself losing my temper I went and worked on a project. Been doing a lot of papercraft this week.

Yesterday I decided to break in my new cutting mat and I completed a full gift tag set, repaired and then completely revamped a writing box and upcycled & rebound some leftover materials into a nice journal.

It was a hard week but it was a good one too.

Current Tally

Started the xig-duo yesterday and the side effects crept up slowly but wow, ouch. I laid down at 3 pm the same day I started it: Xigduo = my @ss kicked royally. Hopefully I'll adjust soon.

OK, and current tally: xigduo 2 for 2. Me: I'm sicker than a dog but it's only day 2...promethazine (aka phenergan) is currently my best friend (extreme anti-upchuck meds) but that's OK, it's only day two.

I might feel like I'm losing but every day I get through is one more day closer to winning and on that note I'm off for my afternoon tv veg which will seamlessly segue into my afternoon coma so glad the brats are cooking tonight!

Peace!

It's offical, my heating pad is my new best friend.

And I've been hugging her dearly. Yes. Her.

I've named her Elenore and this is why:

http://youtu.be/cDjI015s044?list=FLzZSCE4uH1SPoT-UXv6d4-g

and on that happy note, I'm going to try to drink some coffee. Muscles and joints are giving me a lot of grief this morning. The weight of a coffee cup is pushing my tiny limits.

Still, the sun is out and it's warming up and I'm still here so Happy Wednesday y'all!

Wednesday couch surfing update

Well this week and the weather have combined to kick me straight to the couch, no passing go, no collecting $200 bucks and no get outta jail free cards to be had. Just lots of little naps and swollen joints and blechhhhh...

Even the good life events produce stress and combined with cruddy weather it's enough to throw me for a bit of a loop but everything is on track so it's all gooooood :)

On the bright side of this supergrey day: chili in the crock pot (planning ahead pays off yet again) bubbling away, fuzzy slippers & PJs and warm drinks and kids who will willingly bring me them AND come get the remote for me if I drop it. I just have to remember to put it down BEFORE I doze off. LOL.

Happy Wednesday, hope you all are having nice peaceful evenings

Question of the Week #68

I was stuck on the couch for a good part of this weekend so I made the most of it and played with some beading and paper projects while binge-watching The Tudors, Once Upon A Time and Game of Thrones. Mmmmm...love looking at the jewelry and clothes on The Tudors, lol.

Do you sometimes watch TV while crafting or making art?

Which TV shows, networks, or channels (even Youtube channels) entertain you
with creativity?


Looking forward to hearing your answers!

Please remember to submit your suggestions and questions to: spdychevy@gmail.com with Question in the subject line and we'll get your question up here soon!

Happy Monday to all :)

Short and sweet link to the PCASG Blog

Just another day in the trenches...

It's Monday and since "planning day" is traditionally Sunday and I didn't do it, I'm technically starting out already late this week. I didn't feel up to it yesterday----this heat wave is sucking the life out of me on these dead air afternoons so I moved "planning day" back until Monday morning, along with "Question of the Week" (which I did get posted in plenty of time).

Well it's early afternoon and I still haven't even started planning and the heat has descended with a vengeance. I'm not going to stress over it. My huge list of self-imposed tasks can wait while I enjoy life. Today.

Today I realized we are on the back end of Summer. Summer is almost over and there is so much I haven't done because of so much I haven't gotten done. I haven't sat around and enjoyed the sun, the weather, the smell of Summer, the beads of condensation on the glass of iced tea and the purely frivolous reading material... the enjoyment of the season has been put on hold by me because I haven't done so many things that all need to be done before the rain and cold seasons return. All work work work...but no play until done...wait, I can't do that. I can't be that way anymore because I'll never be done which means I will never play again...unless I change how I look at it all.

So this is what I decided to do today. I'm taking my planning notebook outside and setting it within easy reach and I'm going to do some things I want to do so I can have some fun. I want to eat dinner outside at my table like we usually do when the weather is nice but like we haven't been able to because of twenty million other things I have to do before the table can be moved to its "Summer" spot. I'm just going to do it. I'm going to enjoy my gardening efforts--- the tomatoes are just amazing and the peppers are going great guns too :) I'm excited to see the final color of the Cherokee Purples:

while I'm currently enjoying the huge flavor bursts of the tiny but oh so mighty tasty Early Girls:

and I can't wait to see how big the German Striped Tomatoes are going to get. Plus the basil, the lavender and all the other herbs that combine into this aromatic mishmash hodgepodge of an olfactory wonderland when I'm out there weeding, gathering and watering...sigh.... you know what...

I'm not waiting anymore. This post can be done and other stuff can wait...I'm going outside...see ya later! Happy (late) Monday!

Playing around when I've been stuck on the couch lately

 I lose hours sometimes when I'm just playing like this :) I've had a little Halloween fun on the brain recently:

Spider King pendant

I normally don't like spiders but I wanted to see if a could make a "cute" one...one that would be an adorable focal on a necklace. I love this little guy :)

Orange and Black Halloween pendant

Black floral wire (wiped a myriad of times to remove the excess powder from the paint) and some orphan beads. I think I am going to make an orphan bead and black wire chain for this pendant, I really like the way it turned out.

Thank God for Netflix (been watching all kinds of documentaries) and wire, pliers & beads!!!

Happy Wednesday :)

Update of sorts

Been trying to get motivated and get off the couch but between the loperamide making me sleepy and the chronic fatigue coupled with my recent foot injury making me tired as well, I've not achieved much of anything except binge watching Hart of Dixie on Netflix to avoid binging on Orange is the New Black all at once. I waited so long for season two of ONB I'm trying to string it out and enjoy it as long as possible :)

The weather has been pretty nice lately and it hasn't rained but it hasn't warmed up either. All in all it's been a pretty chilly June.

I've gotten some little stuff done here and there but most of this week I've been napping or on the couch. It's hard not to get down when I'm physically unable to do the things I need or the do the activities I want. So far I've been keeping those bummed feelings about what I haven't gotten done at bay by remembering all the stuff I have gotten done.

I won't go into the list here but I accomplished some major monthly chores for the household and did some work on several projects I've been wanting to play with for ages :) Just the enjoyment of getting to work on little things here and there helps counteract the "blahs" when I'm feeling like a definite underachiever.

One of my biggest disappointments has been wanting to write more posts here on the blog and not having done it for so many different reasons: too tired, too uncomfortable, to yukky too...all just a bunch of excuses because I really haven't been ready to face how horrible I was feeling. Now that I am feeling a little better I can admit how horrible I actually was feeling. Does that make any sense?

I just find it hard to write about anything when I feel like I haven't done anything lately but loll on the couch. BUT as I said, that's not true, I've done some stuff, really, lol. And in theory I have many things to write about but this feeling of being unproductive by feeling shackled to the couch is overwhelming at times and presents a huge mental hurdle in addition to the obvious physical obstacles I'm trying to overcome. Sometimes it's the only thing I can think about....or expend energy avoiding thinking about.

This "choosing your attitude" is some pretty hard work but it does work :)

Of course, now all I'm thinking about is the nap I'm feeling coming up. So, off to do that with no guilt, I earned it :)

Bring On The Wonder

I'm definitely due.

Bring on the Wonder for sure...

This song just soothes my soul and that is exactly what I needed a huge dose of after yesterday and my whole feeling like kicked puppy episode. Thank you Susan Enan and Sarah McLachlan for the beautiful song and Bones for using it on one of their episodes because I never would have known about it otherwise.

I started this post early this morning but I put it off because I was still busy thinking about the events from the past few days. I finally got back on my feet and got some things done that have been put off for such a long while and I started feeling really good which is such a joyful experience when it happens.

Then yesterday wasn't such a good day. It started out great, I felt great, low low pain and "gung-ho" to get going on my lists. It was such a good feeling but then it tipped and I ended up on the couch, thwarted by exhaustion again. It was beautiful out too so feeling like a dull lump slumped in front of the tv was a double bummer for me. I love being outside and hate when the weather is awesome but I'm not out enjoying it. Stress can knock me over quicker than anything and that is what happened and I ended up glued in one spot, physically rooted with my mind going 1000 miles a minute, trying to figure out a solution to all the major problems that popped up within the short space of three hours.

I've gotten most of the issues resolved, the rest will take time but will work themselves out as well, it's just the stress of having everything thrown at me all (it seems like) at once. But, it's a little better now and I had a pretty restful night as well even though I did get up a little before 3 a.m.

Today the rain is back which means no outside for me, no getting dressed (pj day yet again) and naps upon naps. Sounds not so bad right? Nap whether I want to or not. Not so fun.

So, determined to "choose my attitude" we made it a Bones marathon day and I worked (in between naps) on some of my journaling goals and soothing my "crumpled feels" as my kids like to say. I don't have my feelings hurt very often but when it does happen, sometimes it's a complete crusher for me. And that was a big part of yesterday so today was my "re-coop".

Happily I can say not a wasted day :)

Mission Accomplished.

So, now...

Bring on the Wonder
Bring on the Song...

August Reading List (so far)

1. Night Shift

2. The Wolf and the Dove

3. Skeleton Crew

4. Guilt

5. Book of the Dead

July Reading List 2013 (so far)

1. A Dance With Dragons

2. Tale of the Body Thief

3. Scent To Her Grave

4. Secrets of Successful Time Management 

Getting better...

Rough morning waiting for it to get better. IT WILL! Just the waiting is quite the *pain*...hmmm...apparently brain fog has not affected my dismal punning abilities...

When I started this blog (again, lol) I wanted to chronicle my life, my life with my cocktail of chronic illnesses and the stresses, to keep a record. An honest one, not to honey coat or overly demonize it, just that there can and is a good life in between these layers of gunk. Sticky and spicy and sweet. A beautiful life.

I hate talking about pain, I hate talking about body functions I hate admitting I'm in pain. There is nothing anyone (including me) can do to change it, it is there and will be there for as long as it is and then it will be gone for as long as it will be. I don't like it, when I was growing up to admit pain was to be weak (still is). But I'm not weak. I know this. I would have taken a powder, stepped out, pulled the plug, turned out the lights a long time ago if I was. I'm not weak. But I'm not a super-hero either. I didn't want this blog to be a constant whine of how shitty I feel or am doing, or both. I wanted it to be an honest look of how one person copes with a myriad of illnesses disability and the ridiculously low pay that goes with it.

Hmmm...do you see the conundrum? I talk about my pain or nausea I feel like I'm whining. Can't help it. Refer to my statement about growing up and weakness. And weakness was nothing you wanted to show in my childhood home. Ah, and those of you who know me probably knew I didn't grow up with Ward & June Cleaver or Ozzie & Harriet. But what many of you didn't know is was how skewed it was. If anything it was something akin to Christopher Titus and his fractured family. The stuff they don't show on TV, even HBOhhhh...

According to the new (idiot) doc I should be happy the metformin kicks itself through my intestinal tract like an epileptic on poprocks & crack, it keeps the weight I *should* be gaining from the glipizide off. The diabetes meds are keeping my blood sugars "on target" never mind the pummeling my kidneys are taking and the violence to my back, stomach, intestinal tract and colon...speaking of...oh my...BRB.

Never mind being unable to walk from the back pain and spasm equals "crippling". Whadaya mean your back muscles are so exhausted you can't sit up? Whadaya mean crippling diarrhea? "There is NO SUCH THING. YOU READ TOO MUCH and believe too much of it, not everything you read on the internet is true." So, not only curt dismissal but added injury, insult and extra salt to pack the cuts with...

Listen, this is me, my body, I'm telling truth and my immediate family can vouch. Lots of pain and things that cause exhaustion. But oh the ignorance from supposed trained medical professionals. I would think if maybe they weren't "trained" in the area of chronic pain and autoimmune diseases they were at least trained to remedy their ignorance but oh how they cling to it! Ignorance! Fighting with that mindset is so exhausting!

Thinking on the matter more I guess I really should be happy about the glipizide placing me in holding pattern concerning the weight loss...because if it had kept going the way it was, at a low calculated average monthly rate, well, I'd be 20-30 lbs down (in less than six months) and actually 10-20 lbs under my "target" weight. It works almost like a tape worm anyway, I can eat whatever I want (whatever I can "stomach") and STILL lose weight. All you perpetual dieters out there, don't get envious though, remember HOW I drop this weight, perpetual crippling back spasm inducing violent projectile diarrhea is nothing I would wish on anyone. Not even my ex...well, maybe...er.. ok...moving on...

June 2013 Reading List (so far)

June 2013 Reading List (so far)
1. Game of Thrones

2. Hideaway

3. Phantoms

4. A Clash of Kings

5. A Storm of Swords

6. A Feast of Crows

7. Heart-shaped Box

8. Houses Without Doors

9. Three Brides No Groom

10. Three Wishes

11. Free Fall

South Sound Family & Sports Medicine...BOO!!!

Just started here after the clinic in Elma closed. Reception staff is great, no problems there. Had two visits in two months, my diabetes prescriptions were screwed up from the get-go...and the guy had the bottles with the amounts/directions in front of him while writing the new prescriptions. Always writes EVERYTHING for no-refills (my diabetes medication is not going to change from month to month).  This means I have to call in to the pharmacy for refills at least 7 days before they are due because they have to send a request to the doctor's office to be refilled. This can take up to a week. I am diabetic and this is like playing Russian Roulette with my meds if there is any kind hold up on the refills. This isn't the only issue but it is a big one. General care is poor, medical professional (not a doctor) seems uninformed not only concerning my health history but about general health conditions that have bearing on possible treatments and solutions. I was told when I asked about possible alternatives to metformin as my digestive tract is hypersensitive to the metformin which results in severe stomach discomfort, bloating, pain and severe violent diarrhea (for which I have been hospitalized for in the past and which is in my records but the guy seems clueless). "Well...it's working on keeping your blood sugar down, so we don't want to change it, just eat more celery and carrots." Seriously. Looking for a new Doctor ASAP.

Forever and a day huh?

Seems like it's been that long since I've posted here anyway, lol. Been busy, wish I could tell you I've been busy making tons of Art (with a capital "A" mind you) and making tons O'Cash. Nope.

But I wish I could, lol.

I've been pretty sick, the weather has FINALLY started to change for the better and since that affects me severely anymore, that has been a big factor in me doing ANYTHING.

So, the weather has gotten a little better and so have I. Then I feel pretty good on the nice days and do crazy stuff like I'm my old self. Crazy stuff: take the girls out in the boat and row around the lake and the island. Two hours later: OUCH my lower back had a fit and spazzed all the way out. Then I threw up from the nausea from the pain. Then I passed out from exhaustion---not from going out in the boat mind you but from the back spasms that came afterwards.

Some days are diamonds, yes, and some days are just shit.

The diamond days are few but they make up for the poo days but it takes a lot of work to stay upbeat. Some days I don't make it either but frankly, everyday I don't give up is a positive day. And when I say "give up" I don't mean acknowledge that I am unable to do what I wanted to do for the day and I must take to my bed to rest and take it easy. I mean give up and take to my bed from depression due to the fact that I can't do a damn thing due to pain and exhaustion from pain or whatever illness, nausea BS my body is going through at the given time. Giving up. Not wanting to go on with life. Conceding defeat and that this bullshit condition wins and is great than my will. NOT! I have this illness, it doesn't have me. As long as I can choose my attitude I choose to go on. And it's hard but the alternative wait...what alternative you ask? Well, *THAT* alternative that I refuse to discuss, because I don't have time for it. The leading cause of death of people with Fibromyalgia (FMS) is suicide. I would be lying if I said I had never ever thought about it. There have been some episodes in the past where I was so sick I thought I was dying and then got even sicker and was actually afraid I wasn't dying fast enough. Dark, dark days. I ended up in the hospital (more than once) due to the fact that I was actually so physically sick I was very close to dying. Uh duh, right? Not so, it's like having the worst flu EVER and being run over by a truck, you are pretty much out of it. Or want to be if you are coherent enough to think.

Fibromyalgia and/or CFS (I do have both) by themselves rarely fatal. In my case, I have Chronic Epstein Barre Virus (CEBVS) also known as Severe Chronic Active Epstein-Barr Virus (SCAEBV)  in addition to having FMS, CFS, Diabetes and a super long list of problems/conditions that (now I know) were mostly stress induced, which helps me by me minding my stress level now but the major damage is done.

CEBVS makes everything else more serious if I go out of "remission" for lack of a better word, so in my case, FMS can become fatal if paired with a CEBVS episode if I'm not very careful. CEBVS is basically like a severe case of Mononucleosis (EBV is commonly known as mono or the kissing disease) but the difference with CEBVS is that you've got "Mono for LIFE" . Oh Mono, lots of people think, the kissing disease...not serious...

But...in SCAEBV which is a rare Epstein-Barr virus associated disorder (which of course, my luck you know, rare=weird with doctors in general, lol) this disorder can cause chronic tiredness and fevers and sometimes be complicated by life threatening problems such as multi-organ failure, chronic (ongoing) pneumonia, and lymphoproliferative diseases (diseases involving the lymph nodes which could eventually show up as leukemia or a tumor). The reasons for the body's inability to control the EBV infection are still unknown and no effective treatment is currently available.

So...at the first signs of a possible CEBVS episode, I clear my calendar and concentrate on doing everything within my power to avert it. I also always keep in mind not to over-do, not to skimp sleep, eat regularly, take it easy and plan relaxing and self care measures and follow through.

That said, I really went off here, I see that now, lol, but it's rest time again and for now, I'm outta here...just another "day in the life"...Hope y'all have a great one! :)

Spring? Where?

So, this crappy damp cold weather has been kicking my butt. I've been been really struggling to get the basic stuff done let alone planting and remodeling and ugh. I'm just now coming out of a several day haze. I slept mostly. And was still tired. I'm feeling a little better so YAY, even though these last few days are a bit of a fog.

But I did finally get some of the planting done. I got the corn, kale, sunflowers and pumpkins planted. So still waiting to do the tomatoes and peppers and still seeding the rest. Still, looking better. This weather had been ridiculous though, rain, rain, rain, stormy rain and drizzle oh...and did I mention rain? Yeah. Rain.

My desk is set up in the studio but I've been too crippled up to get out there to attempt to do anything, let alone sit in the chair. It's very frustrating but it is going. Slowly yes, but going. I'm just very tired of waiting is all. There is progress being made and that's what counts :)

I am excited about a project I am doing with some other physically challenged artists this upcoming month, aka "Bead Soup" which reminds me, I have to go get my packet I'm mailing out ready to go for tomorrow...the deal is we come up with $20 worth of beads out of our current stash (no findings,wire, clasps, etc, JUST beads) and send it to our swap partner who will do the same with theirs. We take a pic of the beads we receive and then a pic of the finished product we made with the bead soup we were sent. Then we share the pics. There are about 20 plus of us doing it so there are going to be some great projects to be seeing at the end of this :)

Now...I better go get that packet ready! :)

Update of sorts...

So, I haven't been on here in well, seems like forever except for the book list update.

I've been having a lot of pain issues (still am) with our wacky weather. It was great (got up to 80 degrees one day) and then not so great (had to turn the heaters on again, so cold & rainy/wet). Which means my joints swell among other painful things. I don't want this blog to be a constant litany of my various aches and pains when I do finally get on here but I feel like I need to point out why I am inconsistent about posting. I need to post more, I know this. I need to get on here even when sitting up is the last thing I want to do, I know this too. This is one of my forms of therapy and is a pain reliever in a sense and I need to remember this and utilize this tool for my continued well being.

OK. Working on it.

So...had a great time at the big family party at the beach. Didn't really move for 2 days after that but I would do it again in a heartbeat.

It. Was. Awesome.

There were no sly catty remarks or the wariness and worrying about inadvertently pissing someone off with a casual remark, or what I wore or didn't wear or GodForbid some "look" upon my was that is misinterpreted ---that atmosphere so usually experienced at a family gathering at my mother's, the "heavy" tense stressful worry...was not...there... I was not treated as the red headed stepchild, I was treated as a valued family member that people wanted to talk to and spend time with. It's good to feel wanted in the midst of your family. I know the unacceptable and unwanted sticking out like a sore thumb thing real well. It was peaceful, even in the midst of chaos. It was fun and there was lots and lots of good laughter and enjoyment of small manic and maniac children and good conversation. It was what I always think a family gathering should feel like. It was all of us EXCEPT  my sister and (of course) my mother. and it was very good and no negatives during a long enjoyable day :)

IT WAS AWESOME!

I enjoyed it so much I smiled non-stop for the next two days, even when I couldn't get out bed for a bit. It was soooo wonderful, and it's been so long since we all had a great family day :)

What else? Oh! I got my raised beds put in on Wednesday and on THIS Wednesday I can start planting in them. YAY!!! (They went in on Wednesday and I was down almost 2 days from that.) Saturday I got the (finally) TV moved to the media room and off my couch so the couch could be moved enough so I could put up my desk. I miss the desk in the studio...almost there AGAIN, lol. SOON.

This morning I had to turn the heater on while drinking my coffee (the joints swell and what can you do really) so it's been an ok morning, there have been many worse so OK is OK :)

Already got laundry done, water heated, made up a gallon of coffee creamer (recipe here-coming soon), working on second cup of coffee, got dressed, dried a load of laundry, talked to both my mother and father (via phone, in person would still be talking to one or the other....STILL, so, thank you very much verizon...or as we used to say in the "old" days: Thank you very much Ma Bell, lol.) Got the worm medication out for the dogs (*that* will be happening later today), two recipes written up and scheduled and half my medication taken...not doing too shabby except I'm due for a rest NOW so *that's* what I'm gonna go do now.

Later (today, lol)...