Good News

Doc appointment today and he cleared me to start training for a overnight hike I want to do this summer. Yes I know with all the crap I am up and down with that it might sound like I've lost my mind but frankly, I'm not getting any younger and I've been frustrated with the way my diabetes meds have been working/notworking and this is also a chance to tackle these issues that have been seesawing my blood sugars anytime I try to up my activity levels when I am able to move around.
Along with upping my daily blood sugar checks he will be monitoring my A1-C's monthly and adjusting diabetes meds levels as needed. He said today that if I didn't have Fibro/CFS that I wouldn't have to take ANY diabetes meds until I was quite a bit older.
So...I am pretty excited about this (I'm sure I'll feel different once I'm in the middle of it LOL), it's going to be really hard but I'm looking forward to it too.

Coastal hike, starting out at Rialto Beach /Ozette Loop

I wanted to take my kids along this trail to Hole In The Wall when they were little but I had to wait they were old enough. By the time they could go, I couldn't...and now they're all grown up but still game for going so I'm stoked. Good Lord I miss being outside!

I already know this will be a MINIMUM six mile hike for me...you have to hike at least 3 miles in before you can set up camp for the night so at the very least... LOL It's not the first day that is the real test, it's the day after and the day after that. To be pill free again, that would just be a great bonus

Here's a closer pic of Hole in the Wall---you see that dark spot to the left of the opening? That's a person standing there. The opening is huge! :

OK, off to pretend to be productive, I'm just happy things finally feel like they might be moving forward for a change :)

Warning, whiney rant

Warning, whiney rant for Thursday:

This up and down weather is kicking me sideways. I've taken more dang muscle relaxers this week than I have in the last 2 months. Spent so much time in the tub soaking knotted muscles the first half of this week now I just wash my hands and my fingers prune & wrinkle right up LOL.

Coffee, my one truest love has left me unmoved and uncomforted. Tea just hits my stomach and reverses...and I'd best not be catching any of the crud going around the school right now. I refuse to even consider it!

You know what, fuzzy jammies and thick socks and back to bed for me. I have one more day until youngest goes on "break" and until then I'm going to just do this moment by moment. These next few moments for me will be best enjoyed with my eyes closed and covers over my head. I am sure (reasonably) that I will awaken if not in a much better mood at least much better to cope will all this "heavy" weather. Fuzzy socks are great attitude improvers in this house too...just saying.

Later my sweet taters!

A Pirate's life for me (for a bit anyway LOL)

So today (after a severe sciatica induced double leg spaz/lock attack) I am going to be acting like a pirate: gimping around like I've got some peg legs and saying AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaarrrrrrGGGGGGGhhhhh a heck of a lot.

Oh the ironic joys of disrupted plans... LOL at least dinner is already done and hey, I'm still in my PJs so not too bad, maybe the muscle relaxers will work better than normal and I'll get some sleep (NICE!)

I rarely take muscle relaxers since they don't do anything for neuralgia or sciatica which is the main cause of the attacks, it's like a domino effect once the attacks get going and everything spazzes out. Sometimes they work enough to give me some relief (this is the second time this month already) and it means my leg muscles are going to be really weak and prone to cramping/locking for the next 4 or so days. uuugh!!!

Quick check in...

I was excited about sleeping in this morning. Silly me, my back decided differently so I will just plan on napping later.

Had a very productive week over all even with my behavioral issues (lol) every time I felt myself losing my temper I went and worked on a project. Been doing a lot of papercraft this week.

Yesterday I decided to break in my new cutting mat and I completed a full gift tag set, repaired and then completely revamped a writing box and upcycled & rebound some leftover materials into a nice journal.

It was a hard week but it was a good one too.

It's offical, my heating pad is my new best friend.

And I've been hugging her dearly. Yes. Her.

I've named her Elenore and this is why:

http://youtu.be/cDjI015s044?list=FLzZSCE4uH1SPoT-UXv6d4-g

and on that happy note, I'm going to try to drink some coffee. Muscles and joints are giving me a lot of grief this morning. The weight of a coffee cup is pushing my tiny limits.

Still, the sun is out and it's warming up and I'm still here so Happy Wednesday y'all!

Trying to figure it all out

and still confusing myself. Life is different now. Waaaaaaaay different. I keep thinking I'll figure it out and be able to go where I want from there. I'm used to the quick change up and adaptability used to be my middle name, I could roll with the punches and bring the thunder all at the same time. Could. Used to.

Of course some days I have to think really hard to tell you my (real) middle name now. But... ask me to spell it (unusual spelling of course) and I can rattle that puppy right off while doing something else and go on about my business. Such is the ironic mysteries of "fibrofog", lol. (Insert big sigh here.)

You know what is really weird (and random)? Having superb muscle memory...and having most of that muscle structure be gone. It can get you into some real trouble if you don't pay attention. Walking has become a whole new game. "Navigating" is probably closer to the proper term when it comes to my mobility any more. It's not just walking, it's negotiating obstacles that are of little consequence to normal people. Little things to many are big hazards to the mobility challenged.

Where am I going with all this? I really don't know. I've got a lot of stuff buzzing around in my brain and I'm trying to figure it all out. I feel like I'm on the edge of some big momentous change (and it's good I think) but I'm not quite there yet so I don't know exactly where this is all leading. So it's exciting. And nerve wracking.

Did I mention exciting? It's just leaving me a little restless is all. Even my dreams are weirder than normal. That's how I know it's a big change. The subconscious starts kicking stuff up long before every thing tumbles into place and the mystery is unlocked.

That's where I'm at right now. Restless and drifting a little. It's going to be amazing though and I'm looking forward to it. The waiting is arrrrrrgle..though LOL

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!

Chaos Control

I know with all my posts where I'm talking about cleaning cleaning cleaning and exhausted from all that cleaning you'd think my house would be spotless right?

Nope.

It takes me a long to time to clean anything, I'm slow but I try because it's a never ending battle to fight the disorganization around here. I have areas of rampant chaos that I try to keep from bleeding into the rest of the house and I lose stuff all the time.

I'm not the only one who lives here so sometimes I'm afraid to set something down because I literally might not see it again for months or EVER.

Going through all this stuff lately has led me to two realizations: I have a lot of stuff. A bunch of art and craft stuff and so on...

But the other people who live here have even MORE!

OK, off on a major purge and donate mission and if they don't want to do that all they have to do is put it in their area and get it out of mine. So I can put mine away at least. Here's hoping anyway!!! :)

Update of sorts

Been trying to get motivated and get off the couch but between the loperamide making me sleepy and the chronic fatigue coupled with my recent foot injury making me tired as well, I've not achieved much of anything except binge watching Hart of Dixie on Netflix to avoid binging on Orange is the New Black all at once. I waited so long for season two of ONB I'm trying to string it out and enjoy it as long as possible :)

The weather has been pretty nice lately and it hasn't rained but it hasn't warmed up either. All in all it's been a pretty chilly June.

I've gotten some little stuff done here and there but most of this week I've been napping or on the couch. It's hard not to get down when I'm physically unable to do the things I need or the do the activities I want. So far I've been keeping those bummed feelings about what I haven't gotten done at bay by remembering all the stuff I have gotten done.

I won't go into the list here but I accomplished some major monthly chores for the household and did some work on several projects I've been wanting to play with for ages :) Just the enjoyment of getting to work on little things here and there helps counteract the "blahs" when I'm feeling like a definite underachiever.

One of my biggest disappointments has been wanting to write more posts here on the blog and not having done it for so many different reasons: too tired, too uncomfortable, to yukky too...all just a bunch of excuses because I really haven't been ready to face how horrible I was feeling. Now that I am feeling a little better I can admit how horrible I actually was feeling. Does that make any sense?

I just find it hard to write about anything when I feel like I haven't done anything lately but loll on the couch. BUT as I said, that's not true, I've done some stuff, really, lol. And in theory I have many things to write about but this feeling of being unproductive by feeling shackled to the couch is overwhelming at times and presents a huge mental hurdle in addition to the obvious physical obstacles I'm trying to overcome. Sometimes it's the only thing I can think about....or expend energy avoiding thinking about.

This "choosing your attitude" is some pretty hard work but it does work :)

Of course, now all I'm thinking about is the nap I'm feeling coming up. So, off to do that with no guilt, I earned it :)

Bring On The Wonder

I'm definitely due.

Bring on the Wonder for sure...

This song just soothes my soul and that is exactly what I needed a huge dose of after yesterday and my whole feeling like kicked puppy episode. Thank you Susan Enan and Sarah McLachlan for the beautiful song and Bones for using it on one of their episodes because I never would have known about it otherwise.

I started this post early this morning but I put it off because I was still busy thinking about the events from the past few days. I finally got back on my feet and got some things done that have been put off for such a long while and I started feeling really good which is such a joyful experience when it happens.

Then yesterday wasn't such a good day. It started out great, I felt great, low low pain and "gung-ho" to get going on my lists. It was such a good feeling but then it tipped and I ended up on the couch, thwarted by exhaustion again. It was beautiful out too so feeling like a dull lump slumped in front of the tv was a double bummer for me. I love being outside and hate when the weather is awesome but I'm not out enjoying it. Stress can knock me over quicker than anything and that is what happened and I ended up glued in one spot, physically rooted with my mind going 1000 miles a minute, trying to figure out a solution to all the major problems that popped up within the short space of three hours.

I've gotten most of the issues resolved, the rest will take time but will work themselves out as well, it's just the stress of having everything thrown at me all (it seems like) at once. But, it's a little better now and I had a pretty restful night as well even though I did get up a little before 3 a.m.

Today the rain is back which means no outside for me, no getting dressed (pj day yet again) and naps upon naps. Sounds not so bad right? Nap whether I want to or not. Not so fun.

So, determined to "choose my attitude" we made it a Bones marathon day and I worked (in between naps) on some of my journaling goals and soothing my "crumpled feels" as my kids like to say. I don't have my feelings hurt very often but when it does happen, sometimes it's a complete crusher for me. And that was a big part of yesterday so today was my "re-coop".

Happily I can say not a wasted day :)

Mission Accomplished.

So, now...

Bring on the Wonder
Bring on the Song...

Don't care, gonna be a good day! :)

Oh what a lovely morning taking ms Crabass in to town with me. She is repeatedly reassuring me it's Monday and too (*%$##*^& early! LOL, whatever! I've already been to Elma and back to boot bwahahaha! Don't care, gonna be a good day! :)

The black hole that is called "Pinterest"...

Pinterest is a hole that I find myself falling down quite frequently...

and it's been a while since I had the energy to do anything better than just existing/surviving, dragging myself from task to task, project to project, be it getting dressed, painting, constructing or a new piece of jewelry.

Thank God the weather has finally changed. I feel so much better! The house is trashed, more stuff is falling apart, there is dirtiness everywhere (driving me crazy crazy caharazeeeeeee) but that's ok. I'm feeling better and I can do it! I can get it done! I know not to overdo but I don't feel dead before I even start and that is such a wonderful feeling, I forgot how wonderful it really is to feel pain-free aka normal.

I like it.

and that said, I'm vowing to try to stay away from pinterest and spend time (more) outside.

Like now.

Bye!

South Sound Family & Sports Medicine...BOO!!!

Just started here after the clinic in Elma closed. Reception staff is great, no problems there. Had two visits in two months, my diabetes prescriptions were screwed up from the get-go...and the guy had the bottles with the amounts/directions in front of him while writing the new prescriptions. Always writes EVERYTHING for no-refills (my diabetes medication is not going to change from month to month).  This means I have to call in to the pharmacy for refills at least 7 days before they are due because they have to send a request to the doctor's office to be refilled. This can take up to a week. I am diabetic and this is like playing Russian Roulette with my meds if there is any kind hold up on the refills. This isn't the only issue but it is a big one. General care is poor, medical professional (not a doctor) seems uninformed not only concerning my health history but about general health conditions that have bearing on possible treatments and solutions. I was told when I asked about possible alternatives to metformin as my digestive tract is hypersensitive to the metformin which results in severe stomach discomfort, bloating, pain and severe violent diarrhea (for which I have been hospitalized for in the past and which is in my records but the guy seems clueless). "Well...it's working on keeping your blood sugar down, so we don't want to change it, just eat more celery and carrots." Seriously. Looking for a new Doctor ASAP.

Forever and a day huh?

Seems like it's been that long since I've posted here anyway, lol. Been busy, wish I could tell you I've been busy making tons of Art (with a capital "A" mind you) and making tons O'Cash. Nope.

But I wish I could, lol.

I've been pretty sick, the weather has FINALLY started to change for the better and since that affects me severely anymore, that has been a big factor in me doing ANYTHING.

So, the weather has gotten a little better and so have I. Then I feel pretty good on the nice days and do crazy stuff like I'm my old self. Crazy stuff: take the girls out in the boat and row around the lake and the island. Two hours later: OUCH my lower back had a fit and spazzed all the way out. Then I threw up from the nausea from the pain. Then I passed out from exhaustion---not from going out in the boat mind you but from the back spasms that came afterwards.

Some days are diamonds, yes, and some days are just shit.

The diamond days are few but they make up for the poo days but it takes a lot of work to stay upbeat. Some days I don't make it either but frankly, everyday I don't give up is a positive day. And when I say "give up" I don't mean acknowledge that I am unable to do what I wanted to do for the day and I must take to my bed to rest and take it easy. I mean give up and take to my bed from depression due to the fact that I can't do a damn thing due to pain and exhaustion from pain or whatever illness, nausea BS my body is going through at the given time. Giving up. Not wanting to go on with life. Conceding defeat and that this bullshit condition wins and is great than my will. NOT! I have this illness, it doesn't have me. As long as I can choose my attitude I choose to go on. And it's hard but the alternative wait...what alternative you ask? Well, *THAT* alternative that I refuse to discuss, because I don't have time for it. The leading cause of death of people with Fibromyalgia (FMS) is suicide. I would be lying if I said I had never ever thought about it. There have been some episodes in the past where I was so sick I thought I was dying and then got even sicker and was actually afraid I wasn't dying fast enough. Dark, dark days. I ended up in the hospital (more than once) due to the fact that I was actually so physically sick I was very close to dying. Uh duh, right? Not so, it's like having the worst flu EVER and being run over by a truck, you are pretty much out of it. Or want to be if you are coherent enough to think.

Fibromyalgia and/or CFS (I do have both) by themselves rarely fatal. In my case, I have Chronic Epstein Barre Virus (CEBVS) also known as Severe Chronic Active Epstein-Barr Virus (SCAEBV)  in addition to having FMS, CFS, Diabetes and a super long list of problems/conditions that (now I know) were mostly stress induced, which helps me by me minding my stress level now but the major damage is done.

CEBVS makes everything else more serious if I go out of "remission" for lack of a better word, so in my case, FMS can become fatal if paired with a CEBVS episode if I'm not very careful. CEBVS is basically like a severe case of Mononucleosis (EBV is commonly known as mono or the kissing disease) but the difference with CEBVS is that you've got "Mono for LIFE" . Oh Mono, lots of people think, the kissing disease...not serious...

But...in SCAEBV which is a rare Epstein-Barr virus associated disorder (which of course, my luck you know, rare=weird with doctors in general, lol) this disorder can cause chronic tiredness and fevers and sometimes be complicated by life threatening problems such as multi-organ failure, chronic (ongoing) pneumonia, and lymphoproliferative diseases (diseases involving the lymph nodes which could eventually show up as leukemia or a tumor). The reasons for the body's inability to control the EBV infection are still unknown and no effective treatment is currently available.

So...at the first signs of a possible CEBVS episode, I clear my calendar and concentrate on doing everything within my power to avert it. I also always keep in mind not to over-do, not to skimp sleep, eat regularly, take it easy and plan relaxing and self care measures and follow through.

That said, I really went off here, I see that now, lol, but it's rest time again and for now, I'm outta here...just another "day in the life"...Hope y'all have a great one! :)

Spring? Where?

So, this crappy damp cold weather has been kicking my butt. I've been been really struggling to get the basic stuff done let alone planting and remodeling and ugh. I'm just now coming out of a several day haze. I slept mostly. And was still tired. I'm feeling a little better so YAY, even though these last few days are a bit of a fog.

But I did finally get some of the planting done. I got the corn, kale, sunflowers and pumpkins planted. So still waiting to do the tomatoes and peppers and still seeding the rest. Still, looking better. This weather had been ridiculous though, rain, rain, rain, stormy rain and drizzle oh...and did I mention rain? Yeah. Rain.

My desk is set up in the studio but I've been too crippled up to get out there to attempt to do anything, let alone sit in the chair. It's very frustrating but it is going. Slowly yes, but going. I'm just very tired of waiting is all. There is progress being made and that's what counts :)

I am excited about a project I am doing with some other physically challenged artists this upcoming month, aka "Bead Soup" which reminds me, I have to go get my packet I'm mailing out ready to go for tomorrow...the deal is we come up with $20 worth of beads out of our current stash (no findings,wire, clasps, etc, JUST beads) and send it to our swap partner who will do the same with theirs. We take a pic of the beads we receive and then a pic of the finished product we made with the bead soup we were sent. Then we share the pics. There are about 20 plus of us doing it so there are going to be some great projects to be seeing at the end of this :)

Now...I better go get that packet ready! :)

WIP: Work In Progress

It's been a week since I've been on here but that doesn't mean I forgot. It doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about sitting down and writing. It means I've been busy. Busy sleeping, busy trying to get back into routine, busy fighting the good fight of every day life. As I'm going about my day I'll find myself thinking about what I'm going to write when I finally get the computer time, the time to think about writing and etc. I get a good thread going in my head and park myself in front of the computer (if it's "free") and pull up blogger and open "new post" and (and the whole time a little excited at where this thread might lead) then go blank.......this has been happening *quite* a lot since the other day. Which is a whole other story that I'm not ready to "share" just quite yet. Ah...issues, ISSUES!

So...I'm going to do an "on-going" post for today. That means when I go blank, I'll just save and come back later, when I might have picked back up on that thread or found another one worth following. Hmmm...and with that statement finally captured...I'm off for now but will be back later ;)

Almost 8 p.m. now. Too late now for coffee but I could sure use some. I went outside and just for fun (no, I've been meaning to do it) I jacked up my front porch. Long story but to cut to the chase, I can't finish the dog's run until the porch is jacked up (at least on that side). So, I did it. And got 3/4 of the way done on the fence. I tried to take measured rest breaks (stupid fibro) and hope I didn't over do but it kind of feels like it. I'll know tomorrow for sure and I hope not because I told my mom I'd ride to Cougar Mountain with her tomorrow and that ain't happening if this is a push n crash :( and I really want to go. I've never been there and it's a hellacious road trip---on I-90, above Seattle so that means roughly 3 hours one way... but "Cougar Mountain"? What a name! Sounds like an adventure to me! :)

OK, I'm off here to go finish dinner and then relax and go to bed early since hopefully I've got a big day ahead tomorrow! Dinner smells sooooooo good! It's my favorite Spicy Orange Chicken (click for basic recipe) variation with mandarins and rice...YUM! (Picture of variation below).

stiff n sore Sat

So, been up since 5, just getting around to where I can get around here. Things are pretty bad. Had a big family meeting yesterday about how I can't do this all by myself, just being down things pile up around here like crazy and it makes me realize how much I really DO around here, especially compared to "others". Trying not to get pissed off about it but wow, it's really a lot.

Fighting to walk takes a lot out of a person. I can't believe how far down I've gone so quickly and it's happening to me right now and it's unreal but oh so real. Doc is thinking nerve trying to pinch...which means hope to god it doesn't or it's walker/wheelchair city. Grrr!!! Ok, I must go while I can do the little things I need to do or that "window" will close and it won't get done. I've got fruit/veggies to cut up for freezer and fridge and cleaning while I can before I go buggy (or is it buggy-ER) from the mess!

See ya tomorrow (hopefully)...

Easy / not so easy

Today is an easy day or  in other parlance: a not so easy day. I am taking it easy because today things really are not so easy. Yeah. ok...BRB...

20 minutes later...I've got coffee, I've taken the last half of my allotted  vicodyne for the day (it's 11:30 a.m.) I'm sitting still hoping things are going to "relax". To say I overdid it yesterday would be an understatement.

I drove myself to town and got groceries and did other errands. I ran into a friend and we spent over two hours talking (all of during which we stood). During which was agony in the lower back (sigh) and stupid right knee which keeps swelling for no reason. I pushed over and beyond and I'm paying today. Yes. It was worth it but I do know better.

You know when the endorphins kick in after a major work out, those awesome awesome endorphins that feel so good? I had an endorphin rush 45 minutes after I got home and parked my rear and did NOTHING. I sat still and breathed. And I got that rush. That's how bad I overdid it yesterday but the rush was a wonderful surprise and it felt so good in the midst of that discomfort (good sigh, dreamy smile, lol). I thought that feeling and I would not meet again because of the usually overpowering pain so it was so nice :)

And today...little baby steps, take it easy take it slow...and nap when needed. I'm still working on the idea that succumbing to the overwhelming need to lay down and rest isn't a sign of a weak and flawed character on my part, it's my body telling me to slow the eff down! Seems simple but sometimes the simpler it is the harder it is for me to grasp. I'm stubborn that way some of the time.

I got up at 8 am and (that's "sleeping in" for me) and puttered around to get my coffee. I realized at 8:32 I had an 8:30 dr.'s appointment. Obviously I wasn't going anywhere in my condition and I couldn't drive if I wanted. Son is gone until tonight or tomorrow morning and I *just* forgot my appointment. I had to call and reschedule and apologize and just told them, I can't drive in, I'm having a bad day. They were very understanding and nice about it but I'm still embarrassed and what the hell good is the alarm on the phone for calendar appointments if it doesn't go off when you set it? I set it for 7:30 and 8:00 (besides the 8:30) so grrr...I double checked the alarms and notifications and everything was set properly but (as I realize now) for some reason the phone kicks the alarms straight to the blue tooth when it is on. So, it's pretty much like putting all the alarms on vibrate and expecting it to alert you from across the room. Ok, live and learn.

One of the places I went yesterday was Goodwill as I was looking for replacement electric coffee pot for the revereware french press (old school stove top model, lol) because I love it for camp coffee but everyday coffee it is inconvenient as well, it's a pain in ass sometimes.

After I make the coffee and put it on the stove and wait for it to perk then I have to put it in the pump thermos to keep it warm...

Some days that is just too much expended energy for me all for a cup of coffee...I am too tired to enjoy it once I finally do get to sit down to enjoy it...

So...I decided to look at the local Goodwill, figuring maybe I could find a good clean used one for maybe 5-10 bucks...first thing in the door I got sidetracked by all kinds of interesting stuff, they had a major "new old inventory" donation of stock from a jewelry store. Very nice costume and spendy stuff too...then I found this cool green ivy collapsible plant stand / book shelf (4 ft tall) with no price (the guy priced it at 2.99) and the price was *finally* right so I got it, and had him hold it by the checkstand while I ran over to look at coffee makers.

(it looks kind of like this with ivy leaves on it, love it!)

The majority of coffee pots were 14.99 or 9.99 and I was getting sad (there were like six coffee pots) when I found this Braun in an HD designs coffeepot box and with the 50% off on yellow tags it was 4.50 and it was the BEST ONE, lmao.

Brought it home, washed it up and ran a "test" pot. Perfect...and for $4.50!!! I found the same model on ebay for 49.99 buy it now...and that's just crazy :) So, I'm enjoying my day after my day out with cool finds and some excellent coffee :)

Now...I must go rest after lunch because even typing can wear this girl out some days. Many days. Today...see ya later!